-APHASIA-

in our quest for deliverance from things that hurt and haunt us, some things will remain..and that our KING is still with us. transgressions would need to be exposed and thrown… but we will stand together as one…it will hurt, it will bleed and we will lose some of the things that we cherish…but we will be free.

i’m home…at hayward that is… i feel so exhausted, empty, sad, sleepless ( i look like a zombie!). i’m currently in a state of a melancholic depression.

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a time for everything…a time to be born and a time to die; a time to kill and a time to heal; a time to break down and a time to build up; a time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to cast away stones and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to keep and a time to cast away; a time to love and a time to hate.

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found a new bestfriend in…..advil..takes my headaches in a flash..good grief!

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new discovery: problems are directly proportional to a person’s age; the older you get, the more complicated and painful they become.

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you are right….what hurts the most in breaking up and falling out of love is not the falling out but the sudden stop. this would mean unlearning all the things that you have been doing that revolve around her..but i think you’ve been doing that before she came, right? you can do it…sorry i dont want to be so optimistic..might not be able to practice what i preach…i’m having a hard time too (sigh!)

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too late….sometimes you just come to the point when you realize that it’s not going to happen as you want it happen. it’s not that it won’t happen, it will, just differently. and just because it is not going to happen as you’ve expected and wanted it to, it doesnt mean its bad for you or that its never going to work. it doesnt mean you should turn your back and leave. sometimes, the best thing to do is just stay, for all you know, it may just work…well..too late..too late

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everyone said this shall pass..no matter how complicated..no matter how painful it may progress…no matter how much damage it may create…let it bleed…if it doesnt kill

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i lost you….now you are behind that glass, in a far away cradle. i wont be able to buy you even a cup of coffee at starbucks and see that wonderful sweet smile…in person. guess i’ll just content myself listening to your songs, looking at your pictures as i reminisce on those wonderful moments at ym…coupled with "what ifs" and "what mights"…dont want to blame anyone…dont want to hate you…this is a small planet…our paths will cross….maybe not tomorrow…not today…not in the distant future…but it will..i just know it will…goodbye ate…i love you….and its real..as real as myself!

i just can’t resist these….

boiled okra and barrio fiesta spicy bagoong (i usually eat this while watching tv.the experience was awesome! the combination is so so perfect and hey i’m not constipating anymore. he he he)

my cousin, kuya manlu, cooked this concoction which is a favorite pulutan in baler, this is called kappokang bibi, it taste like the typical "kilawin" but tastier. yes, bibi is the native duck (i think). sobrang sarap. i couldn’t stop eating. perfect with flavored lambanog. (wink!)

 i just love eating this fruit called kamias. perfect when dipped with spoonsful of oh-la-la spicy barrio fiesta bagoong. yum yum yum. orgasmic!! akaw!!!

and of course, my tita evelyn’s oh-so-famous-so delicious lumpiang sariwa.  i’ve missed this one really. there are filipino stores selling this concoction in hayward and frisco but they are not as delicious as my tita’s recipe (sipsip!). i just love the sauce. akaw talaga! i think i had 4 of this last night. (burp!)

also, last night, i finally tried eating balut, but i ended up in the bathroom.(poor me). and hey i gained 2 pounds already. whoa!

my cousin from baler, aurora came to visit dad and he brought with him my much missed "ibobug". i cant remember the last time i’ve tasted this native fruit from baler and i think i’ve eaten, almost, the whole 3 kilos of it. the experience was so overwhelming! orgasmic i should say he he he. thanks kuya manlu!

if two people love each other so much….so much that they could die for each other…but they just can’t seem to get it together, when do you get to the point of enough is enough?

i wish them happiness always..whether they are together or they are apart….i’m keeping my fingers cross though.

..that things will be better when I leave home…saw a butterfly while writing this blog….i just knew it will be…i’m smiling.

Today is the 9th year death anniversary of our Gwahmah, Lola Sinte or Tiu Lam Que.

I dont really have that much memory of her because I didnt grew up in the Philippines but what i remember most about her are her super delicious puto, cochinta and suman sa latik. yum! yum! yum! and she’s so sweet, too and she loves to sing.

gwahmah, woh men tsai chian miyan! i love you!