-APHASIA-

..in my head that is. i spent a day at the hospital with dad and my emotions are fluctuating. he’s been dropping in and out of consciousness since he was admitted. aside from the prostate CA, the doctors said he has infection and its starting to spread in his blood. last night, he was having epileptic seizures and it scared the shit out of me.

i felt so alone. i called mommy (she’s in the Philippines) and i tried to show my bravest self. it didnt work. i just found myself breaking down. we prayed together. and i heard her say—Lord, thy will be done, You know what’s best for Daddy.

i miss daddy–the daddy before. i miss the sound of his voice and his endless lectures. i miss him more especially now that i know his situation is not getting any better. i can’t help but shed tears whenever i see the numerous IV tubes in his frail body. how i wish i could do something to ease his pain.

i dont want to think of the worst but i want to be prepared for it. mommy is right, HE knows what’s best for Daddy–and I want to leave it all up to Him. but at this point in time, i feel like i can’t live without Daddy, i just dont think i can.