-APHASIA-

there have been some dramatic changes in my life since my new nephew, gelo, was born. my sister in law suffered from post-natal depression (PND) and had to undergo some treatment. kuya has to support her all the way so i had to be there for their two sons, jay and gelo, plus daddy (he’s not that well and still undergoing therapy). all these happened at the time when mommy had to go back to the philippines to attend to my sick brother.

gelo went home a week after he was born minus his mom. ate has to stay at the hospital for her treatment. thank God we have relatives here who supported the family and made sure that the babies are well taken care of. we had difficulty finding a nanny for jay and gelo so me, my cousins: ate dang, annie, rod, yani and her gf, ate babette, ate roni plus my wonderful aunts: tita nievs, tita florence, tita willy, became instant nannies (can’t thank you enough guys for the help!). good thing, gelo is a behave baby (only cries when he’s wet and hungry, most of the time he just sleeps), so its quite manageable. but for someone like me, i mean, a single guy who never had the experience of "really" taking care of a newborn plus a slimmy 4-year old witty kid, it was a scary (at first) but a wonderful, unforgettable experience.

i was left with no choice but to packed my bags and stay at san francisco for the time being. had to attend to school, work, the kids and daddy’s therapy. my schedule became so tight that i barely had the time for myself. gwark!

after two weeks, ate went home but still needs to go back to the hospital every now and then for her treatment and counselling. thank God its just PND and not puerperal psychosis. i had the time to chat with kuya over a cup of coffee after the discharge and he’s really depressed with the way things are. he can’t understand why ate suffered from PND when gelo is already the second baby. i wish i knew the answers, but of course i don’t, all i can do at that time was assured him that i will always be here for him and for the family.

i did some research on PND and i found out that PND happens when a woman got depressed after having a baby. it can last for several months or weeks. mild PND can be helped by better support from family and friends but severe PND will need extra help from doctors and mental health professionals.

i have to admit, i’m not really that close to my sister in law. in fact, we had some not-so-good moments together but i felt really bad for her and i want to be able to help her in whatever way i can. i did some observation when she arrived home, particularly on her reactions to gelo. during the first few days after her discharge, she seldom look at gelo in his crib. i often see her looking sad and unhappy. i tried talking to her but it always ends up in short conversations. but one time, i told her "ate, you can do it. just don’t give up. gelo misses you". she then looked at me and said "salamat godo" .

a few days after that conversation, she went into her therapy and after each treatment sessions, she’ll go home and she’ll hold gelo. one time i saw her looking at jay’s old stuffs and she told me she was looking for some thing that will fit gelo. wow!

when gelo celebrated his first month, she cooked lasagna and invited some of the relatives for dinner. we had a great time. we felt happy that she’s starting to talk to us again, somehow the treatment are doing her good. she told us how greatful she was for the help and she said she really wants to get well and be a better wife for kuya and a great mom for jay and gelo. we were all smiling. and i lost no time in calling mommy and told her everything that had happened.

one night, dad and i woke up because we heard her screaming, crying in her room. kuya was at work that time so i rushed into her. i saw gelo in his crib and he was crying too. she said she’s afraid to hold gelo, she felt inadequate, she’s afraid she might harm gelo. i called kuya and he talked with her on the phone. i went to gelo and changed his pampers. thank God because she stopped crying and told me to stay with her and gelo in the room. it took time before she fell asleep and me, i was sleepless the whole night.

what causes PND? according to a medical e-book, there’s no single reason but a number of different stresses may add up to cause it. thank God because its very rare for a mom suffering from PND to harm her baby.

last week, the PND therapist requested me, dad and kuya to come over for a session. it was spring break so i had my free time dr. jean andrews is a fine doctor, articulate and pretty too (she’s 48). she told us that it is important to encourage ate to say what she feels and that we shouldnt be afraid of the diagnosis, she told kuya not to be disappointed or depressed for his wife and that he should take time to listen and make sure that she gets the help she needs. she said ate is making progress and she believes she’ll be in great shape again after a few months.

these past days, i’m beginning to see some "normal" activities at the house. ate went back to her part time work which is about 3 blocks away from the house and at night, she cooks dinner for us. she takes care of jay and gelo now, although not that extensive because gelo already has a nanny. and just yesterday, she showed me some baby stuffs which she bought for gelo and an ernie stuff toy for jay.

things are starting to go back to normal here and i’m planning to go back to hayward next week. i know ate will win her battle over PND. and i’m praying that we, as one family, will remain firm in all our battles.

i know God will never leave nor forsake us. He loves us too.