-APHASIA-

…to describe my week…..toxic!!!!!

been hustling from school to work to dad’s therapy to becoming gelo’s nanny

i need a break!!!!

just got my "Interactive Human Embryology Animation Modules" and i have to admit, i’m having fun! human embryology is pretty challenging for medical students like me mainly because we have to conceptualize a series of complex developmental events that occur over a period of time. i just finished watching and reading the chapters on grey’s err i mean gross anatomy and i must admit, it kept me awake and offline for the rest of the night. gross anatomy is basically a conceptualization of the three dimensional relationships of the human body.cadaver disection is the primary teaching method and is the focal point of all teaching activities. the module has animated cross-sectional illustrations of the human body, 3D models of certain organs and a very detailed and animated guide in disecting a cadaver. plus the narrator’s voice is sooooooo soothing.

the embryology texts used static 2-dimensional images which are very impressive. plus, software programs were included in the modules like adobe illustrator, adobe photoshop, shockwave studio and macro media flash, which i already have on my laptop, but definitely came out handy for those who dont have them yet.

i’m quite excited for the coming gross anatomy classes because we will start our disecting sessions. i bought my disecting stuff last week and felt very proud of myself (bought it with my own money! yeah). i’m growing up. ha ha ha.

but of course i still need my moore and dalley book on clinically oriented anatomy and my atlas of human anatomy. and our "main tool", the medical dictionary. i have it in my pocket all the time.

i will wear my blue scrub suit tomorrow and i can’t sleep.

this is it…quitting med school is definitely not an option at the moment.

opps….to "my butterfly", i’ll let you fly for a while. i guess this is not the right time. you take care. yes, those were "tears" and i’m too coward to admit it.

him: you sing that song okay. i want you to sing it

me: you’ll be fine. stop thinking of negative things.

him: i dont know what will gonna happen

me: you’ll be fine. we are praying for you.

him: i was singing that song in my head since last night

me: it’s a good song.

him: do you think the needles will hurt?

me: yeah it will but just imagine that it was just a prick from her

him: i wish it was really from her

me: you can do it. just focus.

him: take care of yourself. kiss gelo for me.

me: i will don’t worry.

him: thank you for everything. sorry for all the pains that i’ve caused the family. i didnt mean to put all of you into this…

me: its okay. we are all in this together.

him: thank you. i’ll be going now. i’m proud of what you have become godo. i am really proud of you.

me: i’m proud of you too. God bless you.

him: hey, can you do me this favor? when you call her, please tell her i love her. i love her so much.

me: i will.

him: thanks. i’ll end this call now.

–end of conversation-

and this is the song….

You love me, when I was so unlovely. You sought me when I was lost. You showed me how much You really love me. When You bought me at the highest cost.

There’s no greater love than this. There’s no greater love than this. That a man would give His life for a friend. There’s no higher sacrifice than a man would give His life. You have paid a precious price for me.

You loved me when I was so unworthy. You cleanse me with Your own blood. You clothed me, with righteousness and mercy. You guide me with Your steadfast love.

i’m so proud to be the uncle of this boy wonder, my new nephew, joehan angelo or gelo…he was born last february 21, 2007 at the university of california san francisco medical center. he weighs 19 lbs, 12 ozs, 57 cm in length, 38.5 cm head.

what a blessing!!! congratulations to kuya henry and ate jo. cheers to the new big bro, jay-jay!

she sat beside me..i smelled her sweet perfume…then all of a sudden i felt her hands..caressing my chest…"make love to me" she said..so i kissed her on her neck…i felt her hand moving down…squeezing my balls..giving the newly operated pair a pleasing aching feeling…her scent is making me crazy…."make love to me"…she keeps on whispering to my ear…rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrringgggggggggg…..my alarm clock…just a dream..f"ck…too much grey anatomy!!!!!

i love you izzie!

God has been so good to our family. His steadfast love never cease to amaze me. This week was one of those "blessed" weeks and inadequate as it may seem, let me count the ways:

#1: Daddy is finally out of the hospital. He still can’t walk and talk that well, but hey, he’s alive and he’ll have his therapy next week. What a blessing! Mommy is going back to the Philippines by tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. She’ll stay there for 2 weeks to fix some things and then she’ll be back to stay here for good (I hope).

#2: Welcome to the family, Joehan Angelo N. Joaquin, my new nephew. He was born February 21, 2007 at University of California San Francisco Medical Center. Wow! Jay-Jay is now a big bro!

#3: I’m now a crew trainer!!!

#4: The major financial problem is over for now. The land in Penaranda, Nueva Ecija, Philippines was finally sold. Thank God. We don’t have to borrow from banks or from relatives.

#5: The family is still complete, we are alive, we are hurting but surviving in God’s grace

#6: Had my check up yesterday. There was no major rupture or something with the hernia operation. It was a very minor bleeding I was told. There’s no need for me to panic! Thank God

#7: Surviving the week with just some few bucks and I was able to pay my bills with my own money, what a blessing!

#8: I’m doing okay in school. This week was running smoothly. it really pays to organize and schedule module readings before and after school.

#9: I dont understand why "we" always feel the "after-shock" with everything that has been happening between the two of them. It seems that the fault of him is the fault of us I think the family has been bruising and hurting. but hey, God is showing us one thing…we are indeed stronger together..and as long as we abide in His love..we will stand.

#10: there’s a lot lot more…words are not enough…His love is great and beyond words!

"the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases. His mercies never come to an end. They are new every morning, new every morning, great is Thy faithfulness"

i was about to check my mail when i saw an article called "what scares a man?" at yahoo’s home page. nice, interesting piece i should say.let me share the article with you guys (with some of my comments too he he he). the url of the article is:

http://health.yahoo.com/experts/menlovesex/17701/what-scares-a-man

You probably think you know what frightens most men. A long-weekend at the
in-laws’ place. Antiquing. Running out of beer in the third quarter. But that’s
just the stuff he’ll admit to being afraid of, which, by definition, means
they’re not his true deep fears. So how can you determine what those are? Easy:
They’re the ones he’ll almost never talk about. But I will.

Let’s count down through the Scary Fifteen:

#15 Hair in the drain. The first sign of male pattern
baldness brings a man face-to-follicle with a skimpy aspect of his future. And
it’s always earlier than he expects or wants (which is, like, never). Logically,
men know that baldness is as much of a part of life as Leno making Britney
jokes. Logically, men know that being bald doesn’t mean that they’re any less
smart, virile, or successful. Logically, men know that women don’t care how much
hair their men have. Logically, men know there are plenty of bald men who are
comfortable in their skin–no matter how much of it they’re showing. But when it
first happens, it feels like stepping on a scale and being 20 pounds heavier or
waking up in high school with a quarter-sized nose pimple. It’s the inevitable
and uncontrollable change in appearance that men try so desperately to protect.
Maybe even more importantly, this moment when a man starts losing his hair says
a lot about him-whether he’s cool enough to handle it, or anxious enough to
attempt to deny it with combovers, Rogaine, or faith healers.

#14 Getting caught noticing another woman. (Agree with this one-Me) A man’s
instinctual response to visual stimulation very rarely has anything to do with
his current relationship or how he feels about it. But his lizard brain reacts
instantly, and before he knows he’s doing it, he’s looking at someone else. We
hate having to explain behaviors that even we don’t fully understand.

#13 Rejection. Doesn’t matter whether it happens after a job
interview, or at a bar, or on the basketball court. And remember, there’s a
difference between losing and being outright rejected. Men can handle losing a
game or having a bar conversation disintegrate into nothing. But the proud
creatures that men are, they hate having their shots blocked. Mainly, that’s
because it means that someone else has the upper hand-and is gloating about
it.

#12 Super Nanny.(Actually, I dont mind playing Nanny to my nephews and nieces and even younger cousins. I love kids!-me)

#11 Speedos.

#10 His dad’s death. It’s his most powerful moment of a
reflection, as he thinks about his own mortality. Becoming the family patriarch
is heavy stuff. For many men, it’s a life-changing moment, because they think
about what their fathers did for them and what they failed to do. The next step:
Considering what they need to do to be better dads and better men
themselves–which means they must confront their own failures, as well. That’s a
lot for a grief-stricken man to deal with. He should get some latitude to do
that in his own way. For him, reaching out may be through what seem
like misdirections–more chatter about fishing with friends, an extra set of
tickets to the Phillies showdown with the Mets. But guys need a reason to get
together; the talk will come during a slow point in the 6th inning, or in the
car on the way home. (I agree with this one 101%- me)

#9 Her tears. Men know it’s natural, that women need to do
it, and that it’s a signal that they better provide something more than just a
tissue-even though many men have no clue what that something might be. Men have
been told that women cry for all kinds of reasons-to release some emotions, to
get our attention, or just because dammit, The Bachelor rose ceremony
is so stinkin’ sad. Men want to do the right thing, but because men don’t
navigate those falling waters very often, they probably do the wrong thing more
often than not. Which is another reason why they fear her emotional tsunami.

#8 Being a lousy lover. Of all the things that men want to
happen in bed, pleasing their women ranks near the top of the list, according to
a national Men, Love, and Sex survey by Harris Interactive.
Men hate to think that women may be bored, unimpressed, or unsatisfied. Maybe
it’s an ego thing (okay, it is an ego thing), but men do very genuinely
care about how much pleasure a woman is having in bed. That’s why the faking
thing drives men so crazy. To men, feigned pleasure is code for: You’re so
damn terrible at this, but there there, little fella, I’m gonna make you feel
good about your inadequate self. Men want to know what women want, and they
want to be successful in delivering it.

#7 Not being a god to his kids. There comes a time when men
don’t care much about what strangers, co-workers, friends, in-laws, or anybody
else thinks about them. But when a kid articulates his father’s flaws, it’s the
ultimate heart crumbler. Men know that sometimes they work too much or are too
short-fused or simply fall short on the hero-dad meter, but deep down, they know
it’s the most important job that they’re going to do. And if they don’t do it
right, they know there’s a significant chink in their masculine armor.

#6 Living paycheck to paycheck. Even though men aren’t the
only hunters and providers anymore, they still feel a deep evolutionary pull to
provide the backbone and protection for their tribe. When men lose money, can’t
make enough money, or are scrounging for money, it can be an emotional
disaster-it makes them feel like they’re losing control in their lives.

#5 Beautiful women. Few things intimidate men more than IRS
audits and 12-foot birdie putts. A beautiful woman is one of them. A beautiful
woman-whether spotted at work, in bookstores, driving in the next lane,
anywhere-simply has the power to turn a man of steel into creamed corn. Men know
this. Men try to resist this. Ultimately, it’s a challenge. Beauty may be a
short-lived form of power, but it is profound, and nearly all men cower before
it. It can make them do really, really stupid things.

#4 Getting naked. Ladies shouldn’t think that they’re alone
in fleshy hang-ups. Guys are just as concerned about what women will initially
think about their body hair, muscles, guts, toes, and other parts. Men are
deeply aware that they can be too fat, too skinny, too hairy, too smelly, and
while men are eager to revel in a woman’s body, they also share anxiety about
revealing their own.

#3 Tofurky.

#2 Not seeing his kids grow up. Death, of course, scares
everyone-not so much for the bad stuff that may happen to them, but for missing
out on all the good stuff that will happen to their kids. Or, worse yet, not
being around to protect them from the bad stuff.

# 1 Public humiliation. Here’s one that will make even the
strongest men cave: Looking weak. Whether a man is extremely secure-or insanely
insecure-about himself, he’s worries that he’ll look incompetent, idiotic, or
both. Doesn’t matter whether it’s a zipper malfunction, an off-color joke he
mistakenly slips in during a speech, a dismissive statement by a boss in a
department meeting, fumbling the fly ball at a softball game, getting arrested
for fighting after his kid’s soccer game, whatever. It’s one thing to make
mistakes. But making the reputation-damaging ones in public is tough to take.
That’s because as much as men try to protect their homes, their families, their
appearance, and their jobs, perhaps the most nerve-wracking job of all is
protecting the thing they can’t cure with money, with effort or with laser hair
removal: their reputations.

What secretly scares you? Fess up and share it here.

I wonder what scares women the most????

..that these trials, struggles, pains…they are not curses nor bad karma. these are God’s way of showing us how much He loves our family. i see it as an opportunity for Him to show His great and unconditional love. we are bleeding, yes, we are hurting, yes, but we are loved, we are never out of His grace.

when she saw the flowers on top of the side table near the stairs, i saw the surprised happy look in her eyes and when she saw me standing, smiling and ready to give a hug, she said:

"bunso! wow. thank you anak. thank you!"

and before i could say a word…she gave me a warm hug and kissed me on my lips.

so..who said…that an unattached, no date, but attractive, young man (just like me he he he) wouldn’t be happy on valentine’s day?

..even if the sun refuse to shine, even if romance ran out of rhyme.you would still have my heart until the end of time, you’re all i need, my love, my valentine..

i love you mommy!!!!!